My biggest FOMO in life is not being young and adorable in New York City
In my head she's 24, wearing a thrifted designer outfit, looking all chic, coffee in hand, running late to her dream job that hasn't given her a shot yet, but it's okay, because she's getting drinks with her friends tonight. She's young and adorable and has no clue about what the future could bring. I've been jealous of her for years and she doesn't exist.
Maybe it's the ingrained American Dream in me, as a Filipino who grew up exposed to a lot of American-centered media, but I can't help but feel that one of my life's biggest what ifs is "What would it have been like to be in my 20s living in New York City?"
I'm pretty sure I share the same dream with a lot of people: to be in the Big Apple. I mean, who wouldn't, right? It's the concrete jungle, the city that never sleeps, the Empire City...it's so cool that it has so many popular nicknames! It's the setting of countless iconic movies, TV shows, musicals, and the muse of so many beautiful songs.
In almost everything I watched, New York was the shit! It's the place where you could be working under a terror boss, but hey, it's your dream magazine! The place where you can marry the love of your life right in Central Park. The city where you spend every night catching up with your friends at the same bar on 55th Street. It's the place where dreams come true, the place where everyone has a shot (Hamilton lowkey), and where the big city lights are so bright but they never blind you!
New York City was being sold to me like an allegedly authentic pashmina shawl in the middle of a market in Vietnam...and guess what, I bought it! Packed it, kept it, a prized possession.
This is a city where you can be whatever the hell you want to be and most people would not bat an eye. Maybe it's this concept of "freedom" New York was selling that has been the most appealing to me. Where your 20s are an age of trying out things—not always the right things, just living your life. Like the characters in Adults (FX), Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, and more!
All of these shows portrayed not knowing what you want to be in life is okay. Figuring things out and making mistakes are okay. They showed that living your best life (in whatever way you can) in the greatest city in the world is enough. You will figure it out; that's what your 20s are for.
I admit maybe I am looking at the city with rose-colored glasses, heavily romanticizing the "New Yorker life," because I know real people live there, with real struggles. The rent is crazy expensive, the subway is questionable, rats are a major contributor to the population, but it doesn't take away from the beauty of the city. It's because of stories like this that make New York even more charming and authentic to me.
As an eldest daughter who grew up in a lower middle class family, I did not have that much freedom in my 20s. It was more of a "study well, get a good job, make sure you are stable, provide for your family" kind of 20s. So sometimes I cannot help but think about what it would have been like to live just for myself, to not always overthink, to have no responsibilities, to just enjoy the ride, just like what my favorite New York characters do. It's a privilege I was not lucky enough to have experienced in my younger days.
Looking back, I don't have much regret on how my 20s turned out. I still had my fair share of fun and had amazing opportunities that turned out well for me. However, I can't shake this FOMO in me about this city, perhaps it isn't the New Yorker lifestyle that I envy, but the idea of having the time and freedom to have lived a life that isn't entirely organized around responsibility.
I may never get to be in my 20s in New York, figuring out what my life could be one day at a time, making mistakes, collecting stories for my future self. I'm in my 30s now and a part of me will always wonder what that version could have been.
But my heart still yearns for New York. I hope I finally get to visit one day (soon!!), walk its streets, experience what I have been imagining for years.
Who says New York is just for your 20s? It's still Season 1 for a lot of us :)